Growing up, I was horribly afraid of my own shadow, strangers and public places. As a little child, I used to hide under my bed when company came and if we went out in public, I was stuck to my mom as a third leg. I have no clue what caused that fear and my parents can’t think of any trauma that happened to me. They just thought I was a very shy child.
In school, I’d have myself sick worrying about having to give a speech in front of the class or sing a recital with the choir in front of the parents. I always chose to be the person behind the scene and not the one in the spot light. I remember my body would shake, my heart would race, my mind went to mush and I’d turn bright red in the face. I didn’t even like to go anywhere by myself, especially if I didn’t know anyone else. Any new environment or change would be painful for me because I’d worry myself to the point that exhaustion.
When it came to my job or owning my own business, I knew I had to get rid of this ridiculous fear. I tried everything I could think of like therapy, desensitizing myself by forcing myself to go out to public places, acupuncture, Reiki, hypnosis, self help books and tapes. I think I tried it all. Along the way, those things did help yet their was always a lot of anxiety attached to going out and having to speak in front of people.
My husband and I did marriage prep for our church and there would be times that I thought my heart would jump through my throat or I got light headed when I had to read my part. I kept praying to God to get me through it. Afterwards, I’d be totally exhausted as if I’d run a marathon. Read more