By Robert L. Bray, PhD, LCSW, CTS, TFT-DXDr. Robert Bray is the Secretary of the ATFT. He is a respected counselor specializing in trauma and post-traumatic stress issues. He has been deeply involved with TFT for many years and offers TFT Algorithm trainings on a regular basis. His work has been featured on television
In my experience, the most common problem with grief is people not grieving. When a client comes in looking for help with grief, the first question I ask is, “What are you doing? How are you grieving?”
The most common response is that it hurts to much and “I cry ever time I remember (he or she) is gone.”
Avoiding the memories, avoiding the parts of their current life that triggers the memories, or avoiding sharing memories with others is a common coping mechanism to manage the pain even for the toughest person.
Taking the time to be with feelings of love for the one who has died and integrating the fact that person is no longer with him or her is a necessary component in reconstructing a life.
Grieving is an active process requiring our engagement.
Time passively passed without our conscious awareness is of little help in this process. Time spent locked in overwhelming emotion that freezes our thinking and prevents us from taking action is of less help.
Making the change in our being requires living with the reality of having been given the gifts of our loved one and now being without the physical presence of his or her.
TFT provides a means to getting unstuck and using our feelings in this change process.
A woman in her late forties approached me after a presentation at a conference and asked for help dealing with the loss of her son three years
earlier. In his early twenties he had been killed in an industrial accident. She was an experienced mental health professional and was able to describe her sense of being stuck in her grief. Read more